Two. More. Electives.

Hey everyone!

I am starting a brand new elective this month-pathology! I already have a lot of down time (waiting for gross preparation in an hour or so), so I thought I would do a blog post. Fourth year is pretty awesome once your board exams are over and your interviews for residency are going well. (Thankfully!)

Life has been good. I have less than two months of medical school left. I still can’t believe it. It has been a long journey, but one that I wouldn’t change. Every time that I get tired, I think how lucky am I to be studying medicine? How fortunate am I to continue my learning at a higher level? I know there are girls around the world that are denied an education. I remember that and keep pushing harder to make a difference.

I remember exactly four years go starting the MERP program, in which I had no idea what to expect. Questioning if I made the right decision to enter medical school at the of age 27. Living in the smallest basement apartment ever in North York, ON, that Stephen and I had to duck under some piping to get to the restroom. Yup. It was close quarters and I am so happy that we stuck it out, finished MERP, moved to Dominica for two years, now finishing my two years of clinical sciences in Atlanta-I can say that it was all worth it. Not every second in medical school is happy or exciting, a lot of the work is delayed gratification, no affirmation that you are doing a good job. You have to show up each day, learn as much as you can, go home, sleep, eat, workout, and repeat. It is tough, but now being on the other side of the bridge, with entering the 2019 MATCH, I truly can’t see myself doing anything else as a career.

As I finish my schooling and entering the next phase of training: residency, I am excited, nervous, anxious, pretty much every emotion you can think of. Next July…six months from now…I will be taking care of my own patients. Putting in orders at the hospital, taking call where I make solo decisions, create treatment plans, etc. It is such a surreal feeling.

I honestly would not be here without the support of Stephen, my amazing husband, who truly has taken on this journey as it were his own. He has been with me every step of the way, has seen many tears, frustration, and doubt during some really stressful times. He has experienced the happy moments, the revelations, the confidence that I have slowly built up along the way. I am so thankful for him, more than I can ever write in a blog post.

My parents, Lynn and Leslie Cronk, who are most selfless humans that I know. They ALWAYS put others before them and ensure that all their four daughters are doing okay. They told me I could do this at times where I didn’t think I could. Always available for a phone call, a Skype session, a Duo chat, or a last minute flight home-the feeling that they support me 100% is such an incredible comfort. My three sisters: Jessie, Aleris, and Savannah, who know I am always the sister that is gone. I have missed countless birthdays, family gatherings, events, etc. but they know I am always a phone call away and that I am following this passion of mine, even if it means not being home on the farm.

My friends back home and all over the world from basketball, know that we chat every couple weeks or even months at a time, but it is like we chat every day once we do connect. I am so thankful for such incredible friendships that are constantly cheering me on from afar. They understand my sacrifices for this career choice and I seriously can’t wait to see a majority of them at Christmas!

Life is hard. Medical school is hard. But sometimes…all it takes is showing up every single day and surrounding yourself with an amazing support system.

You CAN do this. Whatever it may be that you are trying to achieve.

Bye for now,

-E xo

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.

-John Quincy Adams”

Perspective

Hey everyone!

It is a chilly Sunday evening in Atlanta, Georgia and I thankfully have time to write a blog post and give you some updates of my medical school adventure.

Even though I am at the end of my medical school training, it is still busy as ever. Interview season is upon us and I am getting ready to plan my next couple months ahead. As you might have read in my previous post, I explained the usual trajectory of not only interview season, but medical school as a whole. It is a long and arduous path, but once it’s done, it is such a surreal feeling.

As I reflect on the past (almost) four years, I am reminded how far I have come. From starting the MERP program in December 2014, living and studying in Dominica, moving to Miami for the IMF course, and then a majority of third and fourth year in Atlanta, I have never wanted to buy a house and stay put for the time being like I do right now.

I have said it before and I will say it again- medical school is HARD. A hard that makes you question if you made the right decision. A hard that takes you away from family events, friends’ gatherings, and many special occasions. After the first couple of times saying the word “no” with some trepidation, it is sad how effortlessly I can decline an invitation and so quickly. Knowing that there is no possible way that I would be able to make the occasion, I would rather say “no” upfront than wait until the last second to decline. Medical school has a way to test you, both mentally and physically, to see if you are cut out to make it in this wonderful world of medicine. It has caught me a couple times..okay…probably more than a couple…where I would be wishing the day away, or hoping that I would be let go early of an already long day at the hospital. Not only did that negativity slowly start to get to me, I had to stop and think- I am wishing away the time to learn. I am wishing away the time to make mistakes. I am wishing away valuable life lessons, where if I make this same mistake next year-it is someone’s life. As soon as I told myself this mantra, my whole perspective changed. I had the ability to wake up each day and make a difference in a patient’s life. Even though I was tired, or that I have worked ten days in a row, I was able to walk into the hospital and be a part of a wonderful healthcare team that is making an incredible difference in the world.

Perspective is huge. Especially in terms of how you view your life. We have the wonderful ability to wake up each morning and decide what mood we want to be in. We can choose to be happy and excited for the day, or we can choose to feed our negative thoughts. If there is one thing that I have learned along the way, it is to be thankful….and happy. (So I guess two things). Thankful to be in this position to study medicine, because there are A LOT of people who want to be here, but can’t due to finances, location, other commitments, etc. And to be happy, because I have the ability to genuinely and honestly help people when they are scared, feel defeated, hopeless, and in their most vulnerable state. This responsibility of being a physician is something that I take great pride in, and there will be no more days where I wish away the time spent learning even though I am tired. I am soaking up every moment like a sponge to one day (aka next year) make decisions on my own, and not having the security blanket of being a medical student.

In three more months I will be Dr. Emma Mackenzie Cronk, M.D.

Three. More. Months.

Bye for now,

-E xo

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“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

-Mae West”

Five Long Months

As I begin this blog post, I am in shock of how long it has been since I have written. You have read it in the title...five long months. FIVE.

A lot has happened, A LOT since I have last written a blog post. I will definitely get you all up to speed, don't worry! I have a tea in hand (ok, ok, it may be a cider) and I am getting ready for the first day of my new rotation at Emory University in Atlanta tomorrow, so I wanted to take a minute and update you all.

Medical school is something that is incredibly hard to describe, unless you are in it yourself. The amount of material we need to cover for each exam, the dreaded board exams that linger over our heads, and the commitment to leave no stone unturned in the hospital during clinical rotations is exhausting. There is the constant battle with yourself to do well and let me tell you, it is a very HUMBLING experience to see your classmates and peers do exceptionally better than you, when you worked your butt off to "just pass". I think it is our inherent nature as humans to have a quick reaction to something, that when something goes right for someone, we are quick to judge and want that same thing in return. I have realized that we are all wanting the same thing in life- to be happy and successful and I have no doubt that we will all obtain that at some point, and I make a reminder to myself not compare myself so hard to others, or don't compare myself to others at all. We are ALL on a different timeline, whether you failed a big board exam, whether you failed a semester, whether you took time off because school was insanely stressful on you, WHO CARES. The fact that you are following your passion, whatever that may be, is amazing and never compare yourself to people who obtain that goal faster than you. 

Whew. Okay, had to get that off my chest. I get many emails that tell me how amazing it is to watch my journey and follow my steps as I check one thing off after another so "effortlessly". I try my best to detail everything about medical school, the good, the bad, the ugly. I have had my fair share of ups and downs with multiple crying sessions either on the phone with my parents, with Stephen, and honestly, by myself sometimes. Medical school is hard, school in general is hard, but the one thing that I keep reminding myself is that when it is all over, education is one thing that is sacred to you. No one can take that feeling of achievement away, no one can tell you anything different, because you did the work, you put in the time, no matter how long it took you to finish it. 

I am currently applying to residency programs right now and for the people that follow me and have no idea what I mean by that let me just give a run down of a typical journey to an M.D degree:

Undergraduate degree: 4 years
Medical School: 4 years
Residency training: 3-7 years (depending on specialty)
Fellowship: 1-3 years (depending on specialty)

After graduating from medical school, you have an MD degree, which is a Doctor of Medicine Degree. With this degree, you cannot practice clinical medicine until having residency training and passing your certification board exam, this is where applying for residency comes in. You apply to programs during your 4th year of medical school (AKA right now for me) and Oct-Jan of that year you will be invited to interviews across the country that like your application and want to learn more about you and to see if you are a good fit for their program. After interview season you "rank" each program from 1-10 (or however many interviews you attended)  and then the programs "rank" you as well, both ranking systems are confidential, so you are not sure where programs rank you in their list. You submit your rank list by February of that year and then in March you will get an email saying: "You have matched!" or an unfortunate case: "You have not matched". So this means you can go an entire four years of schooling and not match into a program for residency and you will have to reapply that following year. Not nerve-wracking at all right?! 

The stress associated with medical school does not end with medical school. Securing a residency spot at a program of your choice is on your mind Day 1 of medical school. But with hard work, passing your board exams, making connections, volunteering, showing leadership skills and being KIND to people along the way will get you far, and having confidence in yourself that you have put the work in is something that is not taught. 

Life has a way of figuring itself out. Trust the process. Trust in yourself. You CAN do this, no matter how much doubt creeps into your mind. There are hundreds if not thousands of people around the world that would love to be in your shoes, and I take that sentiment with me everyday. I have been put on this earth to give back through medicine and I will stop at nothing to make this a reality. Five more months of medical school, graduation in March of 2019, graduation ceremony in May 2019 in Miami! So surreal!

Happy Labor Day everyone! Have a great week and never lose sight of your end goal!

-E xo

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“Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.

-George S. Patton”

Is This Real Life?

Hey everyone!

It is Sunday night, and Domi just got a fresh new bath, Steve is working on his lessons for work tomorrow, and I finally have time to get back to about 25 emails from prospective students. 

Life has been busy. 

I have had an exam almost every week this past month, and not just little quizzes, more like really big and important exams that determine my life. I am officially finished third year of medical school, as I have passed all of my clinical clerkships at Atlanta Medical Center. I have started my fourth year at Emory University with an elective in Sports Medicine-the area of interest as a future career. I think it is safe to say that I found my calling. The early mornings, the late nights, the struggles, the stress, the missing birthdays, life events, not being able to come home to Canada, everything...has been so worth it. I honestly can't see myself doing anything else with my life, and at almost 30 years old, I am happy that I chose to go on this journey. 

Back in November of last year, I saw that I had an opportunity to apply to the AMSSM (American Medical Society for Sports Medicine) medical student scholarship. I had to write an essay about my accomplishments, my desire to pursue sports medicine and not only my volunteer work, but my extra-curriculars as well. I was applying against all of my U.S counterparts, and never in a million years did I think I would win it. This is the INAUGURAL award for AMSSM, and a Ross university student won it. I WON. I remember so many people saying that I would never be able to get an Emory elective as this institution is too prestigious, I remember everyone saying that this scholarship would be a long shot as not only is this the first year they are awarding a medical student, but an international student? No way. When I got that email that I had won, I knew that I just proved everyone wrong-yet again.

My whole life has been people telling that is it not possible, but then my stubborn self would never let them be right. I would never be able to get a scholarship to the U.S, let alone a full basketball scholarship; I will never graduate with a B.Sc in Biology with my basketball commitment, but I made Dean's List; I will never get into medical school, but will graduate and get my M.D in 8 months; I will never succeed in medical school, but I have been high honors since first semester; I will never be recognized for my hard work, but I am receiving the first ever AMSSM medical student scholarship in 2 weeks in Orlando, Florida.

NEVER listen to the people who doubt you. NEVER let them dim your light. NEVER let them dictate your life. And NEVER let them win. 

This journey has not been easy. This is the hardest that I have ever worked in my life. I have never spent so many hours with my head in a book, with my fingers typing patient notes, with my brain being constantly challenged every waking hour that I am at the hospital or clinic. No one really talks about the struggle, no one really wants to share the non-glamorous side of medical training, but I for one would not change a thing. I am going to be a physician, with hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, while a lot of my friends and family are starting families of their own. But I know one day, I will look back and say to myself: "it was all so worth it."

With that sentiment my friends, I am off to watch a movie in bed with my husband, as I honestly have not seen him in what feels like forever, even though we live together. Hug the people around you, call your friends, and let people know how important they are to you. Life is too short. I see it all the time. Be kind-it really is that simple. 

Bye for now, 

-E xo
 

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“If you hear a voice within you say “you cannot paint,” then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced. —Vincent Van Gogh”

Twenty Eighteen

Hey everyone!

I have resurfaced yet again to write a blog post tonight and it honestly feels so amazing to sit down with a tea in hand and update you all. 

Things have been busy, as always, and if you can believe it, it is about to get busier. 2018 is going to be my busiest year yet, with two board exams to go, traveling across the country for 4th year electives, submitting my residency application to various programs across the U.S (ah!) and then traveling yet again for interviews. Knowing myself, I have to take things one at a time, one day at a time and one month at a time. If I look ahead and see everything that I have to do this year, I freak out and curl into a ball, and try to avoid the thoughts that creep into my head, the doubt, the insecurities, and the "what-ifs". I have learned to let all that go, and I have learned to embrace the journey, no matter how crazy it is about to be.

These past few months have been hard. I have realized that I stayed to myself a lot, I have felt sorry for myself sometimes, and I have doubted myself more than ever before. I think it is a mix of "oh my gosh I am actually going to be a doctor" and "I don't know if I have what it takes to take care of patients by myself starting next year." Having only 5 more weeks of 3rd year of medical school left and then only 9 months of 4th year electives to go, time has honestly escaped me. I remember my first days on the island of Dominica, just trying to make it through the first exam, and just wishing I could be entering 4th year and almost being done with medical school altogether. Now that this time is here, it is almost like I wish I was back on the island and my only worry was passing that first exam. What thinking is that?!

Thankfully, I talked with myself and told myself to toughen up. As my Dad would say whenever we were in a rut or felt like we couldn't accomplish something: "You are a Cronk girl! You can do anything!". That sentiment alone has gotten me through so much over the years and I am extremely thankful to have the most supportive parents on the planet. I would not be as successful if it was not for their unwavering support and pep talks throughout school and for those skype calls where they both try to fit into the screen so they can talk with me. I will hold those memories in my heart forever. 

So here I am. Feeling better than I have been and getting excited for the next adventure. I am currently in pediatrics and am loving the little kids that come to clinic. Thankfully this rotation is not as intense as my other core rotations, which gives me a chance to plan my electives and simultaneously study for my Step 2 CS board exam, which is coming up in April. Medical school is no joke, there will be times where you are tired, there will be times where you doubt your decision, and there will be times where you cannot even think about going back to the hospital that day. I have realized that when those thoughts come into my mind, I have to remind myself of how truly fortunate I am. I get to wake up each day and help take care of people, talk with family members and make a difference. No matter how tired I am, how much I have on my plate, or how much I have to plan for, nothing exceeds that more than seeing a smile on a patient's face that you helped that day. THAT is what makes it worth it. How lucky am I to have a job that challenges me every single day, both emotionally and physically, that teaches me something new each day and gives me a chance to grow. I think I am pretty lucky. 

Thank you all for being on this journey with me and thank you for believing in me since Day 1.

I am almost there, and I could not be more excited. 

Bye for now, 

-E xo

 

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“The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me. —Ayn Rand”

Oh hello, Blog.

Yup. This by far has been the longest break from the blog since starting it back in December 2014. 

Life has been crazy. Medical school has been hard. Blogging has honestly been the last thing on my mind, but then other days it is on the forefront. 

I have realized that I do not need these elaborate posts, that go into minute detail of my adventures, but more of a way in saying: " Hey, I am surviving, thank you for reading, I am doing okay." When I went home in August this past year due to my grandpa's passing, there were so many people that hugged me at the funeral and said they read my blogs and love following my adventures. I truly feel like I let a lot of people down by not writing, and with 2018 coming into full effect recently, I knew I needed to write. 

I don't blog like other bloggers you see making thousands of dollars on social media, bloggers who get sponsored to say which products work for them, I blog for my family, my friends, for prospective students and present students. Thinking not many people read my blog posts, I have gotten so many emails asking me when I am going to blog again? I checked my stats online today and I have had over 600 views on my blog just in the past week. WHAT. 

So here I am, saying that I will blog post more. I promise. 

To quickly update you all, I am 10 weeks away from my fourth year of medical school. Third year has flown by, with my Internal Medicine, Surgery, OB/GYN, and Psychiatry core rotations complete, I am currently in my family medicine rotation. The amount of information that I have gathered in the past months is something that I never saw coming. I never thought I could absorb so much material and put it in practice with each rotation that comes my way. Life is truly beautiful that way. If I had listened to everyone before my medical school journey, I would be three years into a job I didn't like and instead I graduate this December 2018 with an M.D. ! Life is way too short to live it for someone else, for doing something you don't like, or being too scared to do something you are most passionate about, due to the time it takes to complete it. NEVER settle, do the work now, for success later. :) 

I am surviving people! I promise! My head gets sometimes too caught up in my notes and going through the motions of third year, going to the hospital day in and day out, but just know that I am keeping my eyes on the end goal. I CAN'T wait to become a physician. Thank you all for being on this journey with me. 

Bye for now,

-E xo

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“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. —Maya Angelou”

Third year: 1 Confidence: Getting There

Hello my lovely people!

It is Saturday morning and I just finished my first 30 hour trauma surgery shift. I am slowly becoming less zombie-ish and becoming more human. That was an adventure. Before I jump into details, I wanted to update you on what stage of schooling I am at as I have gotten a couple emails about that and how I am handling third year of medical school.

It is Oct 1st tomorrow, which means only 12 more days of trauma surgery, and which makes it half way of third year. I have almost done six months of core rotations already, and with 6 more months to go, third year has completely hit me by surprise with how fast it has gone. I am slowly becoming more familiar with standard protocols, understanding the different orders of fluids and which patients get what, how each attending likes to be presented to, and making my way around the different hospitals. Third year is honestly just trial and error, and you can't be afraid of making mistakes and asking questions. 

Surgery is a whole other world that I never thought I would have liked. In my previous post, I talk about how I was nervous for this rotation and that I was not looking forward to it. I have definitely learned my lesson to never have preconceived notions about a rotation and to keep an open mind when starting something new. I have absolutely loved it so far and with my first week in trauma surgery down, it is safe to say I would never do trauma as a career, the experience has been unreal. Here is an example of a day shift and night shift in my current rotation:

DAY SHIFT:
4:30am-get up
5:30am-at hospital rounding on my patient and writing a note (by myself)
6:30am- trauma surgery lecture with whole team
7:00am-sign out-where the night team hands over the night admissions to day team
8:00am- ICU rounds, where we go to each patient's room and chat about them, this is where I would present my patient in front of everyone [can be more than 15 ppl] and chat about if they had any acute events overnight, their labs, if they are scheduled for any surgeries that day, etc. 
9:30am/10am-6:30pm-the rest of the day is filled with trauma calls [mind you trauma calls can happen at any time, and there have been days where we would not finish rounding or lecture as a trauma would come in] and helping the residents with procedures at the bedside, ex: central lines, A-lines, suturing wounds, etc. And if your attending is in the OR, you must scrub in to each case with him/her, so we have to check the OR board frequently. 
IF ON NIGHT CALL:
6:30pm-night team arrives and you STAY all night. This is exhausting as traumas seem to happen more at night, and you have been up since 4:30am that day and you stay throughout the night. The med student's job is to help the intern on call (the first year resident) with little procedures, helping with notes and trauma admissions. This can be so tiring. If there is absolutely nothing to do, no trauma calls, nothing the intern wants you to do, you can try and get some sleep on the fifth floor, but as soon as you put your head down, the trauma bell will go off! It always seems to happen to me lol
6:30am that next morning-lecture again with whole team
7:00am-sign out (we hand over our new admissions to the day team)
8:00am-9:30am/10am- ICU rounds- I would present one of the new admissions overnight
THEN LEAVE AFTER ROUNDS. 
Total hours: 30. 

Whew! It is quite the experience, folks! There is no other feeling that being up for a total of 30 hours and running to the trauma bay when the bell goes off. I didn't drink any coffee as the adrenaline just keeps you awake. The injuries included multiple motor vehicle collisions, gun shot wounds, drunk driver on a moped who crashed himself into a tree, transfers from another hospital as we are a level 1 trauma center with more resources, and more. It was an experience like none other and even though I know I don't want to do this for a living, it has given me the perspective I needed to confirm that trauma surgeons are pretty badass. Holy moly. The level of knowledge that these surgeons have and the residents blows me away. 

All in all, third year has been a whirlwind of an experience. It has taught me to be confident in the times a question comes along and everyone is waiting for an answer. It has taught me that I CAN do this, and it has taught me that I would not want to do anything else with my life. Have I missed birthdays, holidays, weddings, the birth of one of my best friends babies? Yes. But the people I have in my life understand my commitment, they understand that I am putting my life on hold to help the lives of others. I am in school at age 29 when a majority of my friends have houses, full time jobs they have had since graduating college, kids, even multiple children, and I am here getting over a 30 hour shift knowing that I am going in tomorrow for a 14 hour shift [4:30am-6:30pm remember!?]. Life in med school is such an indescribable experience that you have to be here to follow me around to really get a grasp of how taxing it is, but with every passing day, my confidence builds, my answers get stronger, my critical thinking improves, and my vision as a doctor gets closer and closer. 

Thank you all for being on this journey with me, and thank you all for believing in me since day 1. I am so happy to take the time to update you all on my adventures, and when I walk across that stage in a little over a year and a half, May 2019, you know I will be thinking of you. 

Get after it today, even if that means doing the long days, the dirty stuff, the hard stuff. 

It will be worth it. 

Bye for now,

-E xo


 

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“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right.
- Henry Ford”

August Rush

Yes this is a movie title, yes it has been forever since I have blogged, and yes, it is almost the end of August. WHAT. IS. HAPPENING. 

Hey everyone! 

I have caught my breath enough to sit down on this lovely Sunday evening with a wine glass beside me and the best meal made by my husband ready to update you on what has been happening. I am currently on my surgery core rotation, which is twelve weeks and I am entering my sixth week tomorrow with a lovely general surgeon. I was very nervous about surgery, as I thought I would be super fainty and have to sit down half the time, but who would have thought that I actually really like it. I think having a comfortable environment is essential, and getting to know the scrub nurses, surgical techs, anesthesiologists, etc, made the OR room less intimating.  My preceptor has been very patient, kind, and welcoming to surgery and I am forever thankful for his guidance and his knowledge, he truly made this experience memorable. 

Stephen, Domi, and I are still loving Atlanta, but the drivers here are CRAZY, as I have been driving to work this weekend to the hospital, and I just go slow enough to have any reaction time to people swerving and not using their blinkers. Being in the hospital, the trauma bell goes off way too frequently, and motor vehicle accidents [MVAs] happen to be the majority of those admissions. Also, don't text and drive, PLEASE, I see it way too much here, for some reason I do not think it is illegal, which I think is ridiculous. 

I had some unexpected news this past week, as my grandpa passed away. My preceptor was nice enough to allow me to go home to Canada and I attended the service. It was absolutely beautiful and much needed family time. Being in medical school, students miss a lot of important events, and before I left for the U.S my grandpa had a talk with me that if anything were to happen to him, to know that it was okay that I may not be able to make it home to his funeral. Being back in February, I said okay and understood that he knew it may be tough for me to get the time off. As soon as I heard the news of his passing, I had to go home. There was no question, I had to. I left for five days last week, and it was the best thing I ever did. I got to see my dad after his surgery, my sister's new house, my cousins who I have not seen since last Christmas, see my sisters and hug my mom and aunt. It was tough to say goodbye to one of my biggest supporters, as he knew I could do medical school even before I applied. Every time I called him he would always say he was proud of me, and as much as I wanted him there physically at my graduation, I know he will have the best seat in the house come March 2019. 

Overall, I wanted to let you all know that everything is going well. With third year rotations, you just have to put in the time. The work is hard, the hours are long, but it is amazing to walk the halls of the hospital, critically think, challenge yourself day in and day out and truly help people in need. Everyone always asks me if I would do it again knowing what medical school is like, and within a millisecond I would say "yes". Yes, not only because I have realized I would not want to be this tired doing anything else with my life, but because the journey is so worth it. The growth that is experienced with each passing day is indescribable, and the foundation of knowledge that I have sequentially built is so fulfilling. Never settle for anything in life because it is the easier way out, trust me, it is rewarding to see yourself grow. 

Hope everyone has a great Sunday evening, I am off to bed!

Bye for now,

-E xo

 

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“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.

-Milton Berle”

Settled

As I sit here looking out the window of my apartment in Atlanta, Georgia, with a wine glass in hand and my dog by my feet, I look back at the last couple years and I all I can say is: "wow". 

Life literally passes by in the spur of the moment, when we are so busy investing our time into something else, time escapes us each day. There are so many times where I would wish the day away, that it would go faster, or the days be shorter, then I look back and see how many weeks have flown by, and it amazes me. I always tell students who write me who have trepidation about entering medical school, and how long it takes to complete the program, I always make sure to ask them: "What else would you be doing in the next four years?" I get answers like a Master's to bump up their GPA, studying and retaking the MCAT, or working in a job that they are not happy in. Why wait? What are you waiting for? Who are you waiting on? YOU have to make the decision to be happy and that may mean applying to a medical school in the Caribbean. It may mean leaving your family, friends, missing weddings and birthdays, but the thing is...people will always understand. The sacrifices that we have to go through to obtain our M.D. are limitless, but that one day when we finally have the ability to book time off and never miss another function, will come faster than you think. 

Whew! Okay, got that off my chest! Hello everyone! I know it has been a hot minute since I have written, but what I have realized is that I may have to do shorter blog posts to keep you updated with my crazy life adventures. I have always set aside a couple hours to work on my blog posts, and in third year of medical school, those hours are slowly dwindling away. I have started uploading more videos to my YouTube Channel [Search: "From D1 to Dr" on YouTube] and have gotten a lot of feedback to upload more and continue with my "How-To" videos. I will try my best! 

I wanted to let you all know that I am surviving. Third year is intense, as the hospital hours are long, but being able to learn on the spot is great. I have had the most amazing experience with my last preceptor and I recently asked her to write a letter of recommendation for me. She said yes! I am extremely excited as a lot of attending physicians do not have time to sit down and write a letter, and very few will agree to do it, but she gave me a hug and said of course! Letters of recommendation are extremely important in our application process, and we only submit a total of three, so they play a crucial role in residency program directors' ability to get to know us on a personal level. 

Steve and I have settled nicely in Atlanta. The city is definitely growing on me. I love it ALMOST as much as Denver ;) I am halfway through my Internal Medicine core rotation, with my surgery core rotation looming in the background. I have learned so much in the past six weeks and I am extremely grateful to be here. Not a day goes by where I don't look around the hospital and walk the halls with a smile on my face, because according to my MCAT, I should not have made it thus far. I should not have been granted acceptance to any medical school, so when I walk the halls with my white coat on, and seeing patients everyday, it just makes me that much more determined to keep proving people wrong. 

I am off to read a bit more before bed, yes, it is after 10pm, but the learning never stops! I want to thank each and every one of you for reading my blog. I have been on a roller coaster, with moving countries, cities, one exam after another, but I want you all to know that your love and support does not go unnoticed. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. 

Bye for now,

- E xo

 

Atlanta Braves 

Game time! 

Hello From the Other Side

Okay, I know what you are all thinking..."Where has this girl been?!" "She has a blog...why doesn't she write?!" "Hellllloooooo?" "Anyone there?" 

Hi everyone! I am here! A lot has happened since December, and I am eager to get talking about it so without further adieu, I am here to chat. I am alive. I am well. I am surviving!

This has been the most whirlwind of a time in my life, from getting engaged, getting married, writing Step 1 [or "taking step 1" for you Americans], and moving to Florida. It has been hectic, but some odd reason, I like this pace. I like being forced out of my comfort zone, and being expected to figure it out quickly. I got engaged at the end of November, and Stephen and I decided to get married on New Year's Eve that December...yes...in less than a month I had to plan a wedding, study for my USMLE Step 1 exam, get all my immigration and health documents read to move to Florida for January.....you can see why I pushed my exam date back until February and moved our scheduled departure to Florida for the March IMF intake. [So so so happy I did this]

So here I am! Married, onto year three of my medical studies, and I am [im]patiently waiting for my Step 1 score to come out this Wednesday morning. [Positive vibes welcome] Medical school off island has definitely been different, and I have heard from a lot of my classmates that it has been hard to focus or study for our massive board exam when being on island was much easier, less distractions, less temptation to go watch a movie with friends, etc, more motivation to study hard and get off that island as fast as you can. Staying on island to study for my COMP exam was the best thing that I ever did, and it allowed the foundation I needed to come home and study hard for my board exam. 

That exam was tough, guys. Extremely tough. You needed to know the ins and outs of every topic, every drug, every pathological symptom that you can imagine. But the board exams take it a bit further, they test you on not only your knowledge, but the way you critically think and integrate that information. There were times where I would look at the computer screen and just stare at the question, trying to figure out exactly where they want me to go with the information. Seven blocks, each block had 40 questions, and we had an hour per block. Seven hours of straight testing and a 45-60 minute break , so it ended up being an eight hour day. It was extremely exhausting, but making sure I had appropriate snacks, adequate sleep, and confidence was the reason I felt okay on test day. I will make sure to update you all when that score comes out!

For the people asking what my next steps are of my medical journey I will outline it below:

Currently: IMF-Internal Medicine Foundations- 6 weeks-Miramar, Florida
Core Rotations- 6 core specialties at ONE hospital for an entire year (hoping for Atlanta Medical Center-we found out this Tuesday)
Elective Rotations- I choose the area of medicine I want to study and where. These electives can be anywhere from 2, 4, or 6 weeks. This is for an entire year. 

So in short, I have two years of schooling left, all in the hospital setting and interacting with patients. I am extremely excited to be on the other side of learning, as the island was tough and studying from textbooks upon textbooks was hard to keep the motivation up. I am eager to hit the hallways and interact with as many people as possible, learn from the best, and soak it all up like a sponge. I will keep everyone posted with each core elective that I do and see which area of medicine interests me the most. 

This post was more of an update post I guess, letting you all know where I am and where I go from here. I cleaned up my website a bit, and organized it better and getting the camera ready for some YouTube videos. I will end on one final note: time has literally been flying by, and I want people reading this to know that anything is achievable in your life. Whether it be school, an occupation, a hobby, a business proposal, anything that you 100% commit yourself to can be done, it will be hard, but it can be done. I have made a point in my life to never put an expiry date on anything that I do, I was 27 when I applied for medical school, and turning 29 this year illicits only one emotion: I am proud of where I am, how I got here, and how I continue to help you all, one post at a time. 

Bye for now,
-E xo

 

Seeing [and Feeling] is Believing

Hello everyone! Gosh it has been such a long time since I have sat down at my computer screen and in front of my website. It has been on my mind to do a post and I am finally sitting down on this cold, snowy, Canadian winter morning to give you all a much needed update.

In the last two months, my life has changed so much. I have moved countries, I am prepping for the biggest exam of my life, got engaged, planning a wedding, got a nasty cold [and still fighting it], and getting excited for the holidays at home. It is such a crazy time and as I sit back and think about my life, all I can say is: "wow". Looking back in my last two years of schooling, exactly two years ago I attended the MERP program in North York, Ontario, then another sixteen months on the beautiful island of Dominica, and waking up in my bed today at my parents' ranch, I had to ask myself: "Did all this really happen?" "Was this all a dream?". It happened SO fast and I always make a point to tell prospective medical students that the time will pass anyway, and in med school, I honestly feel like you are in a twilight zone..time passes quickly. Never set a limit on your education, occupation, passion, or anything that is important to you, because of the time factor. NEVER let that be a deciding point against fulfilling what you truly want in life. DO IT. You will be so happy you immersed yourself wholeheartedly and jumped in with both feet. That I promise you. 

So as I sit here in Canada, and Stephen is in Toronto [I have not seen him or Domi since the flight to Toronto three weeks ago- I know, it's killing me], I have time to really sit and think about my next steps. As soon as I got to the farm, I slept for a week. I am not kidding guys, I went to bed at 9pm and probably woke up at 12pm that next day. I did that for a solid week and it made me realize how tired I was from the island. Moving out of an apartment we had for a good year and a half, then packing everything up into one backpack and one checked bag each, you can already assume we gave a lot of stuff away. We donated a huge chunk of our clothes, food, miscellaneous things to a wonderful lady named Christine, who is my lovely Shacks lady, who fed me the best veggie taco bowls of life. I miss them so much already. [Check out my youtube campus tour video where I point out where to get them on island!] Being home made me realize that life is so precious and that I needed to slow down a bit, I have been go, go, go for about two full years and that is not an exaggeration. I need to take a deep breath and decide on what my plan is for the months that I am home.

After sleeping for that week, I knew it was time to make my calendar for the end of November and for the month of December, and whoa, it was extremely tight to get everything in that I wanted to. My previous test date was Dec. 20th, a week from today. I knew that I would be exhausted from trying to cram everything in and do sixteen hour days up until exam day. I have decided to push back my test date until mid February and start the March IMF, instead of taking the exam next week and attending January IMF. IMF is a quick six week preliminary course all Ross students have to pass before entering clinicals, it is based in Miramar, Florida and transitions us from basic science to the clinical aspect of medicine. I am really happy we have a course like this instead of being thrown into the clinical world without really knowing what our responsibilities are for the next year.

So here I sit, with a brand new calendar beside me that is much more favorable and it feels like I can finally enjoy home. I have not been home for more than a couple weeks in about five years, and it feels so nice to be able to wake up and spend time with my family. I am extremely happy that I chose to push my Step 1 exam back and I had to really listen to my body and mind to come to the final decision. That is why I so cleverly titled this blog post, seeing and feeling is believing, as you have to truly listen to yourself and feel comfortable in your life choices. Try not to listen to anyone else, or take each person's advice and respect their opinion, but at the end of the day, you have to do what's best for you. If there is one thing that I want you all to take away from this post, is that you are in control of your own life. You have the ability to be your own solution in this crazy world of ours and you also have the ability to live the life you want, and that is a beautiful thing. Do what feels right for you, and be content with knowing that whatever you choose, YOU have made that final decision, and no one else. 

Off to do some Uworld questions! The learning never stops, and it shouldn't! 

Bye for now,
-E xo

Pics! My little sister, Savannah, along with being a teacher, is starting a photography business as well! Follow her on facebook and instagram: Warrior Prints Photography. Here are some pictures from our fun photo-shoot a couple days ago!  No editing has been done on these ! 


 

Hardship.

Hey followers! I am back from the depths of studying to take time on this lovely Sunday to talk about one of the taboos of medical school-the struggle that every student feels at one point or another. 

The title of this post is all too real right now, and the more I have thought about writing a post, the more that I have tried to always put on a happy facade or trying so hard to be optimistic but I couldn't. I honestly write how I feel, and there were numerous points in the past month where I started a post so chipper and happy, when really I was feeling the opposite. So I deleted it until I felt ready to lay it all out on the line. 

So here I am, saying that things suck right now. And I'm okay with that. Fourth semester ended on a good note, I ended up getting Dean's List, which means that for all four semesters on island, I was able to maintain above a 3.5 GPA, I am extremely happy [and burnt out], about my commitments, and the RUSM Sports Medicine Club is well on their way to making an amazing mark this semester. So those are two things I am really happy about!

So why the struggle? What's going on? Well..that is an excellent question. After fourth semester ended, we had the dreaded COMP exam, which is a four hour exam that was to encompass sixteen [!] months of material, and after passing that allows us to sit for the USMLE Step 1, which is our very first board exam for us to be able to practice in the U.S. [and yes..you guessed it..there are more steps..four in total-yay]. That exam was the hardest exam that I had ever had to take in my life. I don't know if it was due to the lack of time we were able to study for it [10 days], the burnt out feeling that I was hardcore feeling at the time, me wanting to go home in that time frame, or that fact that my schedule completely changed in that time period. Those ten days completely sucked after fourth semester. They consisted of me getting up at 7am, then study from 8am-10pm, then me not being able to sleep because even though I felt exhausted, I felt like I never did enough that day. I completely changed my eating habits, I had numerous cups of coffee, ate on campus [which I NEVER do,  I always eat breakfast at home, pack a lunch, and be home for dinner], I didn't work out AT ALL [again, not like me], so those days studying for that exam, I was not myself. I hated the way that I felt, the food I was eating, the lack of sleep, lack of exercise, that feeling of never getting enough done, and you can predict that the score on that exam was not reflective of my personal best, and I am mad at myself for that. I was extremely mad. 

So here I am, on a Sunday afternoon collecting my thoughts after a practice COMP that was completed yesterday, more than a month later of my first experiences with those awfully worded vignettes, and I SCORE THE EXACT SAME. THE EXACT SAME SCORE PEOPLE. I was at a loss yesterday, I felt like crying, I felt like closing my computer and just throwing it across the room, I felt defeated, but the most scary is that I felt doubtful. Doubtful if I will ever pass Step 1, doubtful if I will ever become a physician. I have worked SO HARD at Ross to maintain a great GPA, and I got to thinking: "why?...why did I work so hard to fail now?"...and I answered my own question in that moment. "I didn't work this hard to fail...and I won't...I'd be damned if I am going to let one practice test get me down" and so I woke up today with more fuel in my body than ever before. And I am mad, but a different mad. 

I have realized one thing about social media is that people never post the bad stuff. They post the rewards, the prizes, the successes, and the "my life is perfect posts!", while we all know too well that life is not all about winning. I decided last night to post a picture to instagram [@d1todr] about my struggles yesterday, that after almost three weeks of studying, I still feel like I am in the same spot. I talked about how I am terrible with standardized exams, and how I am very nervous for the board exams that it takes to become a doctor. I never expected the amount of love that I have gotten from everyone, and it honestly makes me teary-eyed thinking about it. Here is one message I got from another Rossie:

"Aww thank you. You always brighten up my day. Seriously I have the worst nightmares looking at step 1. I'm so nervous and scared because I suck too at exams. Like super suck, no matter how much I try and study... but I know that this is the only thing I want to do. And I know that God is guiding me just like he is guiding you! I'm praying for you and you can do this! I'm looking up to you even more for now because I know that if you can do this, then so can I! Always stay strong my love. Always. You never know who you are inspiring. Xoxo" 

So amazing right?! I definitely needed to read that after feeling like I did. The fact that other students can see that other people are struggling, and feeling the same sort of feelings is so empowering, and if I can help just one person feel better, then it is all worth it to me. So never be afraid of failure, I have realized looking back on my past that I have failed a lot. [Almost too much for me to be as optimistic as I am today]. But my mental toughness is what has pushed me through when I physically thought I could not do it anymore.

So inhale the bullshit-exhale the good shit. That is my mantra right now. We all are put on this earth for a reason, and if takes a couple kicks at the can to follow your dream, well then my can may have A LOT more dents, but I am totally okay with that. Okay, I am on a ROLL with metaphors today. BAM, just made that one up ;) 

Alright folks, just wanted to let you all know that I am surviving, and that I have completely accepted the fact that these next two years before the M.D. degree will not be easy. I will give it my all, I will do more NBME practice questions and exams, I will fail multiple times, but when that day comes when it all clicks and I get my grade back from Step 1, it will only be more proof that this is where I am meant to be in life.

Failure is only going to make success taste that much sweeter. 

Bye for now,

-E xo

Pictures :)