Hey everyone!
It is a chilly Sunday evening in Atlanta, Georgia and I thankfully have time to write a blog post and give you some updates of my medical school adventure.
Even though I am at the end of my medical school training, it is still busy as ever. Interview season is upon us and I am getting ready to plan my next couple months ahead. As you might have read in my previous post, I explained the usual trajectory of not only interview season, but medical school as a whole. It is a long and arduous path, but once it’s done, it is such a surreal feeling.
As I reflect on the past (almost) four years, I am reminded how far I have come. From starting the MERP program in December 2014, living and studying in Dominica, moving to Miami for the IMF course, and then a majority of third and fourth year in Atlanta, I have never wanted to buy a house and stay put for the time being like I do right now.
I have said it before and I will say it again- medical school is HARD. A hard that makes you question if you made the right decision. A hard that takes you away from family events, friends’ gatherings, and many special occasions. After the first couple of times saying the word “no” with some trepidation, it is sad how effortlessly I can decline an invitation and so quickly. Knowing that there is no possible way that I would be able to make the occasion, I would rather say “no” upfront than wait until the last second to decline. Medical school has a way to test you, both mentally and physically, to see if you are cut out to make it in this wonderful world of medicine. It has caught me a couple times..okay…probably more than a couple…where I would be wishing the day away, or hoping that I would be let go early of an already long day at the hospital. Not only did that negativity slowly start to get to me, I had to stop and think- I am wishing away the time to learn. I am wishing away the time to make mistakes. I am wishing away valuable life lessons, where if I make this same mistake next year-it is someone’s life. As soon as I told myself this mantra, my whole perspective changed. I had the ability to wake up each day and make a difference in a patient’s life. Even though I was tired, or that I have worked ten days in a row, I was able to walk into the hospital and be a part of a wonderful healthcare team that is making an incredible difference in the world.
Perspective is huge. Especially in terms of how you view your life. We have the wonderful ability to wake up each morning and decide what mood we want to be in. We can choose to be happy and excited for the day, or we can choose to feed our negative thoughts. If there is one thing that I have learned along the way, it is to be thankful….and happy. (So I guess two things). Thankful to be in this position to study medicine, because there are A LOT of people who want to be here, but can’t due to finances, location, other commitments, etc. And to be happy, because I have the ability to genuinely and honestly help people when they are scared, feel defeated, hopeless, and in their most vulnerable state. This responsibility of being a physician is something that I take great pride in, and there will be no more days where I wish away the time spent learning even though I am tired. I am soaking up every moment like a sponge to one day (aka next year) make decisions on my own, and not having the security blanket of being a medical student.
In three more months I will be Dr. Emma Mackenzie Cronk, M.D.
Three. More. Months.
Bye for now,
-E xo
August Rush
Yes this is a movie title, yes it has been forever since I have blogged, and yes, it is almost the end of August. WHAT. IS. HAPPENING.
Hey everyone!
I have caught my breath enough to sit down on this lovely Sunday evening with a wine glass beside me and the best meal made by my husband ready to update you on what has been happening. I am currently on my surgery core rotation, which is twelve weeks and I am entering my sixth week tomorrow with a lovely general surgeon. I was very nervous about surgery, as I thought I would be super fainty and have to sit down half the time, but who would have thought that I actually really like it. I think having a comfortable environment is essential, and getting to know the scrub nurses, surgical techs, anesthesiologists, etc, made the OR room less intimating. My preceptor has been very patient, kind, and welcoming to surgery and I am forever thankful for his guidance and his knowledge, he truly made this experience memorable.
Stephen, Domi, and I are still loving Atlanta, but the drivers here are CRAZY, as I have been driving to work this weekend to the hospital, and I just go slow enough to have any reaction time to people swerving and not using their blinkers. Being in the hospital, the trauma bell goes off way too frequently, and motor vehicle accidents [MVAs] happen to be the majority of those admissions. Also, don't text and drive, PLEASE, I see it way too much here, for some reason I do not think it is illegal, which I think is ridiculous.
I had some unexpected news this past week, as my grandpa passed away. My preceptor was nice enough to allow me to go home to Canada and I attended the service. It was absolutely beautiful and much needed family time. Being in medical school, students miss a lot of important events, and before I left for the U.S my grandpa had a talk with me that if anything were to happen to him, to know that it was okay that I may not be able to make it home to his funeral. Being back in February, I said okay and understood that he knew it may be tough for me to get the time off. As soon as I heard the news of his passing, I had to go home. There was no question, I had to. I left for five days last week, and it was the best thing I ever did. I got to see my dad after his surgery, my sister's new house, my cousins who I have not seen since last Christmas, see my sisters and hug my mom and aunt. It was tough to say goodbye to one of my biggest supporters, as he knew I could do medical school even before I applied. Every time I called him he would always say he was proud of me, and as much as I wanted him there physically at my graduation, I know he will have the best seat in the house come March 2019.
Overall, I wanted to let you all know that everything is going well. With third year rotations, you just have to put in the time. The work is hard, the hours are long, but it is amazing to walk the halls of the hospital, critically think, challenge yourself day in and day out and truly help people in need. Everyone always asks me if I would do it again knowing what medical school is like, and within a millisecond I would say "yes". Yes, not only because I have realized I would not want to be this tired doing anything else with my life, but because the journey is so worth it. The growth that is experienced with each passing day is indescribable, and the foundation of knowledge that I have sequentially built is so fulfilling. Never settle for anything in life because it is the easier way out, trust me, it is rewarding to see yourself grow.
Hope everyone has a great Sunday evening, I am off to bed!
Bye for now,
-E xo
Settled
As I sit here looking out the window of my apartment in Atlanta, Georgia, with a wine glass in hand and my dog by my feet, I look back at the last couple years and I all I can say is: "wow".
Life literally passes by in the spur of the moment, when we are so busy investing our time into something else, time escapes us each day. There are so many times where I would wish the day away, that it would go faster, or the days be shorter, then I look back and see how many weeks have flown by, and it amazes me. I always tell students who write me who have trepidation about entering medical school, and how long it takes to complete the program, I always make sure to ask them: "What else would you be doing in the next four years?" I get answers like a Master's to bump up their GPA, studying and retaking the MCAT, or working in a job that they are not happy in. Why wait? What are you waiting for? Who are you waiting on? YOU have to make the decision to be happy and that may mean applying to a medical school in the Caribbean. It may mean leaving your family, friends, missing weddings and birthdays, but the thing is...people will always understand. The sacrifices that we have to go through to obtain our M.D. are limitless, but that one day when we finally have the ability to book time off and never miss another function, will come faster than you think.
Whew! Okay, got that off my chest! Hello everyone! I know it has been a hot minute since I have written, but what I have realized is that I may have to do shorter blog posts to keep you updated with my crazy life adventures. I have always set aside a couple hours to work on my blog posts, and in third year of medical school, those hours are slowly dwindling away. I have started uploading more videos to my YouTube Channel [Search: "From D1 to Dr" on YouTube] and have gotten a lot of feedback to upload more and continue with my "How-To" videos. I will try my best!
I wanted to let you all know that I am surviving. Third year is intense, as the hospital hours are long, but being able to learn on the spot is great. I have had the most amazing experience with my last preceptor and I recently asked her to write a letter of recommendation for me. She said yes! I am extremely excited as a lot of attending physicians do not have time to sit down and write a letter, and very few will agree to do it, but she gave me a hug and said of course! Letters of recommendation are extremely important in our application process, and we only submit a total of three, so they play a crucial role in residency program directors' ability to get to know us on a personal level.
Steve and I have settled nicely in Atlanta. The city is definitely growing on me. I love it ALMOST as much as Denver ;) I am halfway through my Internal Medicine core rotation, with my surgery core rotation looming in the background. I have learned so much in the past six weeks and I am extremely grateful to be here. Not a day goes by where I don't look around the hospital and walk the halls with a smile on my face, because according to my MCAT, I should not have made it thus far. I should not have been granted acceptance to any medical school, so when I walk the halls with my white coat on, and seeing patients everyday, it just makes me that much more determined to keep proving people wrong.
I am off to read a bit more before bed, yes, it is after 10pm, but the learning never stops! I want to thank each and every one of you for reading my blog. I have been on a roller coaster, with moving countries, cities, one exam after another, but I want you all to know that your love and support does not go unnoticed. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
Bye for now,
- E xo
Hotlanta
Hello everyone!
Thank you for your patience with my blog posts, I am starting to finally get in a groove in Atlanta and I am making a schedule that I can actually stick to each week. There will be more YouTube videos for the people emailing and asking and more blog posts on a regular basis! What I have realized is that when I get ready to write a post, I am emotionally invested with everything I write down. There have been so many times where I had my blog up and ready to type, but I just wasn't feeling it, but I have to learn to write when my emotions are authentic, whether I am frustrated, sad, stressed, and of course when I am happy. I'm working on it ;)
So here I am, on a Saturday night, just getting back from the Sports Medicine conference in San Diego, California. Excited, exhausted, motivated, and extremely happy that I attended. But let's rewind for a second, let me update you on my Step 1, IMF, the move to ATL, and where I am now in my studies. Grab a glass of wine [I may have had two already...woops], or a tea, a coffee if you are board studying, and just sit back and relax, as I have some stories for y'all. <--I gotta start sometime people, I am in the South ya know ;)
So that USMLE Step 1 exam, let me tell you....it was beastly. It was probably the hardest exam that I had to write in the history of my test taking. The good news is: I PASSED. I passed and now I am able to move on to my third year of medical school, which are core clinical clerkships at a corresponding hospital. For the people that have been following me for awhile, you all know how terrible I am at standardized exams, and this exam was no different. It was the mother of all standardized exams; a really, really grumpy mother. It was hard. But it was doable if your study schedule was followed exactly as you had planned. I was confident in my studying that I felt comfortable going into that exam with the knowledge base that I had created while studying at home in Canada. It was so critical thinking heavy, minute details, tertiary questions, and some that felt like quaternary, that you just left the exam center feeling defeated. Overall, the biggest tip of advice that I can give people studying for the boards right now, take it sooner than later. I was feeling a bit burnt out at the end, and my score definitely reflects that. I am glad I pushed it back to enjoy Christmas and get to get married, but I was about three weeks overdue. I still did fine, but for me being my own worst critic, I should have done better. My effort and my studying habits, I should have scored higher, but that is the beauty of two more board exams, there is always room for improvement. The fact that I passed on the first attempt is huge, and now I need to study my buns off for the next Step exam, which is next July for me.
Next is IMF, what exactly is it? Good question, as I still haven't figured out an exact definition for it. It was a six week course in Miramar, Florida where we got introduced to the clinical aspect of medicine. We had daily readings from the textbook IM essentials and had one written midterm and final exam. We also had an OSCE exam, which is set up in the same format as the Step 2 CS exam, where we would do a 15 minute encounter with a standardized patient, do a full interview, physical, and type up a note in the exam room. We also had a clinic site that we had to go to 2-3 times/week, in which 20% of our grade comes from the attending physician. Thankfully, we had an amazing clinical site. We were with a neurologist that owned his private practice in Florida, and I fell in love the physical therapy/pain management side of neurology. Another student and I also got the opportunity to do some research, which we are in the process of finalizing our second draft by the end of the month. Super exciting! IMF was great in the fact that it allowed us to experience being with patients on a more complex level, and allowed us to be prepared for core rotations.
Now being in Atlanta and two weeks into my Internal medicine clerkship, I can say that I do not like internal medicine haha I like the patients, I love the people I work with, from my amazing attending, a soon-to-be fourth year student (she is just finishing up her last core), and all the nurses and respiratory techs. Everyone is super friendly in Atlanta, the southern hospitality is actually a real thing, guys. But overall, I do not like being in the hospital for 12-13 hours straight. My end goal is to own a primary care sports medicine outpatient center, with a gym/rehab facility attached. I am learning a TON and trying to soak it all up, and at the same time I am trying to keep my options open as much as I can. Being in the hospital and dealing with real patients is so rewarding, and every day, even the days are long, I know this is what I am meant to do.
The blog post is getting quite long, but I will end it with a sentiment from the Sports Medicine conference that I attended these past couple days. NO ONE CARED WHERE I ATTENDED MEDICAL SCHOOL. The first thing they said to me at the fellowship fair was: "Wow! Good for you for coming so early in your medical education and asking all the right questions now, to help your process later". The first thing I asked them was, does your program accept IMGs? Since being Canadian AND from Ross, I wanted to make sure they honored the international visa for me to work as a resident being from another country, but I also wanted to make sure that they had no bias towards Caribbean grads. They honestly did not care. A fellowship is the highest form of medical education that you can receive in your training after residency, and they range from one year up to how many sub-specialites you want to complete. After residency, you have the option of doing a fellowship and that is where my primary care sports medicine fellowship comes into place. It was so refreshing to see big name schools accept Caribbean grads and not even bat an eye. There were numerous AUC, SGU, AUA, Saba, and Ross fellows in attendance, and the community is absolutely amazing. One Medical Director had the best response to my question:
Me: "Hello, my name is Emma, I am a third year medical student interested in the sports medicine fellowship program at your facility, I was just wondering if you accept IMGs?"
Director: "Well, are you a good candidate?"
Me: "Well, I think I am. I have gotten Dean's List for all four semesters on the island, won the Devry Scholarship award for two consecutive years, I started a brand new Sports Medicine Club on campus while simultaneously studying the basic sciences, I have passed Step 1 on my first attempt, and I am here proving to you that this is what I want to do."
Director: "Oh wow, wait...you are only in third year you said?"
Me: "Yes, sir" <--- working on that southern accent ;)
Director: "I do not care where your medical education comes from, you standing here today proves to me that this is important to you. We actually just matched a Ross grad into our fellowship program and he starts with us in July, and you coming here today just shows how hard working Ross students are, and we do not discriminate based solely on the location of your school, we look at YOU, the candidate as a whole."
Me: *Trying to hold back the tears* "Thank you. I needed to hear this today"
Director: "I'll be looking for your name in the next couple years, don't forget about us, okay?"
Me: *Dumbfounded and wanting to give him a hug but didn't* "Thank you so much."
Connections work. Point blank. Me showing up to this conference proved to them that I was serious about pursuing this route. No matter what school I attended. This is FELLOWSHIP, people. This is a big deal. The fellowship program directors care more about you as a person with a passion, your commitment, and your tenacity to get there. I have gotten so many high-fives the last two days from residents, program directors, fellows, and some AMSSM staff, as I was the youngest student there. I know this is what I want to do, so why not start making the connections now? Next annual meeting, I will be there showing my face to the same people, giving a strong hand shake, and telling them my name once again. When interviews come up next year for residency, a lot of the same fellowship directors actually oversee the residency program as well, and they will hopefully see my name and picture, and know my perseverance to climb to the top of their list.
All in all, Ross University will get you where you need to be. It is the road less traveled, it is a scary jump, but it will give you that M.D, it will allow you obtain residency, and it will give you the opportunity to pursue medicine as your career. Third year has just started for me, the hours are long, the studying never stops, board exams linger over my head every day, but I would not change a thing. I am extremely happy I listened to my gut and applied, I am happy I shut that inner voice in my head down that was telling me that maybe I made the wrong decision, I am happy that I didn't listen to any of the online forums bashing the Caribbean route, and I am sure as hell happy that I made it this far. I made it. I made it halfway to becoming a physician, and no one can take that feeling away from me. It is so worth it. Every tear, every frustration, every sticking point, as time moves forward- so do you.
Happy Saturday night friends! Get after your dream, no matter what anyone says! You CAN do it. You WILL do it. You will be AMAZING at it.
Bye for now,
-E xo
Hardship.
Hey followers! I am back from the depths of studying to take time on this lovely Sunday to talk about one of the taboos of medical school-the struggle that every student feels at one point or another.
The title of this post is all too real right now, and the more I have thought about writing a post, the more that I have tried to always put on a happy facade or trying so hard to be optimistic but I couldn't. I honestly write how I feel, and there were numerous points in the past month where I started a post so chipper and happy, when really I was feeling the opposite. So I deleted it until I felt ready to lay it all out on the line.
So here I am, saying that things suck right now. And I'm okay with that. Fourth semester ended on a good note, I ended up getting Dean's List, which means that for all four semesters on island, I was able to maintain above a 3.5 GPA, I am extremely happy [and burnt out], about my commitments, and the RUSM Sports Medicine Club is well on their way to making an amazing mark this semester. So those are two things I am really happy about!
So why the struggle? What's going on? Well..that is an excellent question. After fourth semester ended, we had the dreaded COMP exam, which is a four hour exam that was to encompass sixteen [!] months of material, and after passing that allows us to sit for the USMLE Step 1, which is our very first board exam for us to be able to practice in the U.S. [and yes..you guessed it..there are more steps..four in total-yay]. That exam was the hardest exam that I had ever had to take in my life. I don't know if it was due to the lack of time we were able to study for it [10 days], the burnt out feeling that I was hardcore feeling at the time, me wanting to go home in that time frame, or that fact that my schedule completely changed in that time period. Those ten days completely sucked after fourth semester. They consisted of me getting up at 7am, then study from 8am-10pm, then me not being able to sleep because even though I felt exhausted, I felt like I never did enough that day. I completely changed my eating habits, I had numerous cups of coffee, ate on campus [which I NEVER do, I always eat breakfast at home, pack a lunch, and be home for dinner], I didn't work out AT ALL [again, not like me], so those days studying for that exam, I was not myself. I hated the way that I felt, the food I was eating, the lack of sleep, lack of exercise, that feeling of never getting enough done, and you can predict that the score on that exam was not reflective of my personal best, and I am mad at myself for that. I was extremely mad.
So here I am, on a Sunday afternoon collecting my thoughts after a practice COMP that was completed yesterday, more than a month later of my first experiences with those awfully worded vignettes, and I SCORE THE EXACT SAME. THE EXACT SAME SCORE PEOPLE. I was at a loss yesterday, I felt like crying, I felt like closing my computer and just throwing it across the room, I felt defeated, but the most scary is that I felt doubtful. Doubtful if I will ever pass Step 1, doubtful if I will ever become a physician. I have worked SO HARD at Ross to maintain a great GPA, and I got to thinking: "why?...why did I work so hard to fail now?"...and I answered my own question in that moment. "I didn't work this hard to fail...and I won't...I'd be damned if I am going to let one practice test get me down" and so I woke up today with more fuel in my body than ever before. And I am mad, but a different mad.
I have realized one thing about social media is that people never post the bad stuff. They post the rewards, the prizes, the successes, and the "my life is perfect posts!", while we all know too well that life is not all about winning. I decided last night to post a picture to instagram [@d1todr] about my struggles yesterday, that after almost three weeks of studying, I still feel like I am in the same spot. I talked about how I am terrible with standardized exams, and how I am very nervous for the board exams that it takes to become a doctor. I never expected the amount of love that I have gotten from everyone, and it honestly makes me teary-eyed thinking about it. Here is one message I got from another Rossie:
"Aww thank you. You always brighten up my day. Seriously I have the worst nightmares looking at step 1. I'm so nervous and scared because I suck too at exams. Like super suck, no matter how much I try and study... but I know that this is the only thing I want to do. And I know that God is guiding me just like he is guiding you! I'm praying for you and you can do this! I'm looking up to you even more for now because I know that if you can do this, then so can I! Always stay strong my love. Always. You never know who you are inspiring. Xoxo"
So amazing right?! I definitely needed to read that after feeling like I did. The fact that other students can see that other people are struggling, and feeling the same sort of feelings is so empowering, and if I can help just one person feel better, then it is all worth it to me. So never be afraid of failure, I have realized looking back on my past that I have failed a lot. [Almost too much for me to be as optimistic as I am today]. But my mental toughness is what has pushed me through when I physically thought I could not do it anymore.
So inhale the bullshit-exhale the good shit. That is my mantra right now. We all are put on this earth for a reason, and if takes a couple kicks at the can to follow your dream, well then my can may have A LOT more dents, but I am totally okay with that. Okay, I am on a ROLL with metaphors today. BAM, just made that one up ;)
Alright folks, just wanted to let you all know that I am surviving, and that I have completely accepted the fact that these next two years before the M.D. degree will not be easy. I will give it my all, I will do more NBME practice questions and exams, I will fail multiple times, but when that day comes when it all clicks and I get my grade back from Step 1, it will only be more proof that this is where I am meant to be in life.
Failure is only going to make success taste that much sweeter.
Bye for now,
-E xo
Pictures :)